Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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