The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize