As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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