hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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