when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
