I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
