dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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