I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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