I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
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I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
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She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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