Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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