just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
