I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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