You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
