We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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