escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
worst night to have a conscience
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
