just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
