So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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