Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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