He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
