Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
