Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my being single is dangerous.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
