Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
