i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
