Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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