respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
