You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
