i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
