Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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