My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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