How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
