I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
