oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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