Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
