best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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