ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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