somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
