brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
