We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
