If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
