Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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