it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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