My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Randomize
