I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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