Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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