This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
