The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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