kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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