And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
