I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
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Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.