She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.