sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
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I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life