Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.