Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.