They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
