I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
