my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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