There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
