Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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