Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
